A Brief Overview:
We met in college and were married on July 29, 2006 in Hatboro, PA. Currently, we live in the city of Philadelphia along with our dog, Bailey. We are a part of Liberti Church. Alan works as the Online Editor at the Center for the Advanced Study of India, located at the University of Pennsylvania. Tara is the Director of Campus Ministry at Temple University and is employed by the CCO. Among other things, Alan enjoys reading, consuming chocolate milk, playing the guitar, and the Philadelphia Phillies. Tara enjoys coffeeshops, mentoring college students, the outdoors, and cooking.
As is the unfortunate case with millions of couples around the world, we are unable to conceive biological children. Over the past year or so, as we have begun to feel the strong desire to become parents, this sad fact has been an area of much grief, jealousy, and bitterness. Thankfully however, we've been able to be honest about our grief and turn to each other and to the Lord in these times, rather than grow distant from each other. Doing so has certainly strengthened the foundation of our marriage in ways we never thought possible.
While working through our infertility grief, we have been growing more and more excited about becoming parents through the blessing of adoption. After much research and a few introductory meetings with different agencies, we decided to go forward with Bethany Christian Services, one of the world's most reputable and leading adoption agencies.
Bethany has various options for people looking to adopt (domestic infant, international, and older child). For our first child, we will be pursuing the domestic infant option, as we would like the opportunity to raise a newborn baby from birth.
Getting the Ball Rolling:
This past week, we submitted our official application to Bethany and attended an all-day informational class, along with a bunch of other adopting couples. The day involved participating in some great sessions led by Bethany's social workers, hearing from a panel of families who have recently adopted, and also hearing from a panel of birth-parents. These birth-parents are the unsung heroes who make the courageous and selfless choices to allow a better life for their children when they know they are not in a place in their lives in which they can provide proper care to their son or daughter. Our all-day session also included much discussion about the grief that results from infertility and the loss that birth-parents feel when placing their babies for adoption. The blunt reality of adoption is that it cannot take place without both parties experiencing different forms of loss. The honest dialogue we shared as a group about these difficult topics was extremely helpful and empathetic.
The Financial Costs of Adoption:
One of the difficult realities of adoption is the cost. In the case of domestic infant adoption, we will owe a little over $20,000 when all is said and done. Many people, like us, just don't have that kind of extra cash sitting around and to try to save up that amount would take an insane number of years.
To break down the total a little bit, certain amounts will be needed over the course of the process:
- $2,000 (formal application fee and home study evaluation)
- $4,000 (retainer fee; includes thorough background checks, creation of profile that will be showed to birth-parents as they choose adoptive couples)
- $14,000+ (due when the baby is officially placed with us)
How Can You Practically Partner With Us?:
While we will be paying a chunk of the $20,000 total ourselves through what we can afford at this time, we will also be seeking to raise the remaining amount by applying for adoption grants as well as through private donations from individuals and churches. The concept of asking people for money so that we can become parents is certainly a controversial one for some, and understandably so. After all, people get pregnant and have kids all the time and they are responsible for the cost of raising their children, not anyone else. However, when it comes to adoption, certain other factors are at work. Consider the following:
This is where we humbly ask for you to consider donating an amount of your choice towards our adoption fund so that we can move onto the next phase of the process. Please see the "Donate" button at the top, in which you can make a secure online donation via PayPal.
- Having a biological child usually does not require spending $20,000 ahead of time. There are certainly some doctors appointments and various other expenses, but nothing near what is required to make another person's baby your own.
- Asking for financial help towards adoption is not like asking for help towards the purchase of a household item or a vacation, but for help in changing the life of a human being.
- Once the child comes home to us, the money that it will require to raise him/her from infancy to adulthood will certainly be our responsibility and no one else's. But without financial assistance ahead of time, having the opportunity to become parents will be more difficult and time-consuming.
For those who aren't interested in or comfortable with the online donation method, checks can be mailed directly to us which will then be deposited directly into an account we've created strictly for adoption expenses (email us to get our home address). One of our goals is to keep you up to date on exactly where we are financially and how much we need to raise at each incremental step.
We also ask that you would pray, not only for us, but also for our unborn child and his/her birth-parents who will be making the ultimate sacrifice. This is both a joyful and painful process and we need the Lord's peace and guidance throughout it all. If you are not someone who believes in prayer, please simply drop us an encouraging word here and there; doing so really builds us up in so many ways.
Another way you can really help us out is by forwarding this blog to as many people as you can. Our hope is to get our story out to as many people as possible. We hope that by sharing our story, we can help to encourage other couples who are struggling with infertility and are wondering what avenues might be right for them, as well as just anyone who would like to know more about adoption.
Feel free to ask us any and all questions you might have about our adoption experiences and/or needs. (Our email addresses are listed under the "BIOS" section at the top).
Thank you for reading this. We are extremely excited to begin this process towards becoming a Mom and Dad. We look forward to journeying with you.
Alan & Tara