The Atchison Adoption Story

Happy Baby!

2012-01-26T23:01:00.001-05:00

Well, Kaylin is now approaching 4 months old and time is really starting to fly by. She's now a good 13 lbs. and is routinely sleeping through the night. Most times, we have to wake her up in the morning. Yes, I'm bragging. It's unbelievable just how relational this girl is. She'll make eye contact with you when you enter the room and smiles and giggles non stop! Don't believe me? Check this out...

Thankful for a Shower!

2011-12-07T23:52:00.002-05:00

Ok, that's a really weird title, I know.

My hope was to combine two monumental events that took place over the past few weeks: a baby shower and Kaylin's first Thanksgiving.

On November 19th, we had a huge baby shower thrown for us at Tara's parents' house in Allentown, PA to celebrate the homecoming of our little peanut. The event was attended by much of our combined families and several of our friends. All in all, some 60 or so people came, which was amazing considering it was such a busy time of year. What's really interesting is that baby showers usually occur before a baby is born and often times with just ladies present. But Tara and I tend to go against the grain. Not only was the event attended by both men and women, but everyone got to meet and interact with little Kaylin...or at least as much as one can interact with a month and a half old infant. Kaylin pretty much slept through the whole thing anyway...

There were a number of highlights from that day. We got to briefly share our adoption story in front of the whole group, as well as the incredible open relationship with now share with Kaylin's birth family, which continues to blow us away. We had a make-shift photo booth, courtesy of Tara's sister Lindsay. And we ate a ton of great food made by Tara's mother. We are so grateful to our families for organizing this shower for us, especially to Tara's parents, Jim & Mary Ann, who went above and beyond to turn their house into baby party central.

***

We spent Kaylin's first Thanksgiving as one big family with our parents and siblings...and our dog Bailey of course. Unfortunately, Kaylin was not able to take part in the eating of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and various desserts, but she was a big consumer of formula that day, and for the time being, I guess that will have to suffice. We did however, dress her up in various Thanksgiving outfits that she will surely be embarrassed by as a teenager when I show them to all her friends. As Kaylin's dad, I'm already looking forward to that day.

In all seriousness though, we could not be more thankful -- especially at this time of year -- to have become parents of the most beautiful and incredible baby girl and to have such a terrific relationship with her birth family, a wonderful and inspiring group of people who we already consider close family. There simply are no words to adequately describe our gratitude and joy.

***

Ok, I know I said this entry was just about the baby shower and Thanksgiving, but this past weekend, Kaylin also attended her first wedding. And well...I just have to share. Our dear friends, the newly crowned Alan & Erin Popoli, got married in an beautiful space called the Skybox, which is in a large, newly renovated building called 2424 Studios that also houses our church's location. The ceremony and reception went off without fail and Daddy was even in the wedding party and got to share in our first ever father/daughter slow dance. Aside from the bride and groom, I'd like to think Kaylin was the other main attraction of the night.

"Everything to Me"

2011-11-16T16:51:00.001-05:00

Below is a music video that depicts a birthmother's difficult and courageous choice to place her baby for adoption. The song is one of gratitude from the adopted baby's perspective toward his birthmother after he has grown up and can truly appreciate the choices that were made with his best interests in mind. This is a music video that means a lot to Kaylin's birthmother and after watching it, we couldn't help but to share it.

The Homecoming of Kaylin Beth!

2011-11-07T10:30:00.013-05:00

Surprise!!! The wait is over.

We are now the proud parents of a newborn baby girl!!!

Kaylin Beth Atchison was born on October 3, 2011, weighing 6 lbs., 5 oz. and came home with us on October 5th.

"Wait, WHAT???" you say? How...when...did this happen?

So glad you asked.

In early September, we received notice from our agency that our family profile was being shown to a prospective birthmother. This is something that has happened multiple times before and while it's always great to know, our personal rule had always been to not get too excited until there's something to officially get excited about, as our profile was one of several she would be viewing. So life went on as usual, that is, until Tuesday, September 20th. The phone conversation that day between Tara and I went something like this:

Alan: Hey Tara.

Tara: Hey Alan...soooo...just found out she chose us!

Alan: WHAT?!?!?! Are you serious?!?!

Tara: Yes! Can you get out of work for a match meeting on Thursday?

Alan: Um, gee...let me think...YES!!!

The meeting that followed that Thursday between our birthmother, her mother, and ourselves was beyond words. Seriously. "Love at first sight" is the best way to put it, and even that is not powerful enough a description. Shortly after the meeting was over, our birthmother shared with her mom that during our entire meeting, the baby in her womb was jumping and kicking unlike any time before, and she concluded that "this is what she wants."

I know this has been said multiple times throughout this blog, but it bears repeating: We still cannot comprehend the unbelievable selflessness that birthparents display. To think that this amazing woman loved her baby so much that she chose to give her the gift of life and to bless a couple that would otherwise be unable to have children...well, frankly, there should be a Nobel Prize category for such people. One of the biggest sore spots for us is the general cultural perception that birthparents "gave up" their babies or that they're "unwanted."

NOTHING could be further from the truth.

These precious babies are loved so dearly that their birthparents chose to make adoption plans and willingly place their babies with adoptive families of their choosing. We still have trouble wrapping our heads around the indescribable reality that God put the miracle of adoption on our birthmother's heart during her pregnancy and that she chose us! It will be our life's goal to live up to that faith she placed in us, and to always make sure our daughter knows about her beautiful origin.

So after the match became official, we began the march toward the due date of October 25th. To be honest, after all we'd been through in previous adoption match situations, the thought of waiting a month was absolutely excruciating to us and we're convinced the Lord knew this was probably more than we could handle. The result was that baby Kaylin arrived on October 3rd, three weeks before her due date!

The day after Kaylin was born, we went to the hospital to meet our daughter for the first time and spend time with her birth family. Again, words cannot describe the emotions of being in that scenario. We celebrated with them due to the overwhelming joy that this new little life had produced. We cried with them due to the pain and loss that they would be experiencing. And we had the awesome privilege of praying with them that this beautiful baby would grow up knowing how deeply loved she is by so many people, that she would come to experience Christ's loving grace for herself, that God would give Kaylin's birth family his tender grace in this extremely difficult time, and that our relationship -- the joining together of our families in this open-adoption union -- would grow deep and strong over the years as this little angel continues to grow and mature.

The next day, we brought Kaylin home and the first thing we did, of course, was introduce her to our dog, Bailey, who lovingly and gently sniffed her as a welcoming nod of approval. Over the past month, Kaylin and Bailey have become pretty close companions. Bailey has taken to laying next to her and watching over her on frequent occasions. Undoubtedly, these two will be best friends over the next several years.

Our parents and siblings soon came over and we had our first family homecoming, as the two sets of first time grandparents got to hold and feed their granddaughter for the first time. As a side note, Kaylin's arrival also coincided with the Phillies' playoff collapse. As a die hard fan, her long-awaited arrival definitely softened the blow of the team getting eliminated in the first round. Anyone who needs concrete proof of God's grace need not look any further.

This past month has been unbelievable! We've started to really feel like we've adjusted to being full time parents and our daughter's adorable personality has already begun to shine through. Even the sleepless hours at night have been a joy (ok, maybe not in the moments themselves, but definitely after the fact). There's so much more that can be said, but we'd like to take a moment to address our daughter's birth family directly: We love you! We simply don't become parents if not for you. We're blessed and humbled beyond words to have you in our lives and for the trust you have placed in us. We look forward to all the years ahead as our families grow closer and get to experience all the fun and exciting highlights of Kaylin's life! We are also honored to have Kaylin share the middle name of her birth grandmother!

Thank you to all our friends who played a part -- through finances, prayer, and your encouragement -- in bringing little Kaylin home. Thank you also to our church family at liberti. As the Body of Christ, you lovingly and graciously journeyed with us through the tremendous ups and the devastating downs of the adoption process.

Thank you to Bethany Christian Services, which lived up to its reputation as the best adoption agency in the world. Thank you specifically to Carrie and Heather, who walked with us through so much over the past couple of years. You were both right; God's timing is perfect! And thank you to the rest of the staff. You have all been so kind, supportive, and generous from the moment we began this process.

And of course, tremendous thanks and gratitude to our families, our parents especially, who have taught us, guided us, supported us, and enabled us to be the best parents we can possibly be.

And just like that, after a two and a half year process, one chapter has officially come to a close and a new, much more exciting one has just begun!

Adoption: Then & Now and The Power of Words

2011-03-16T16:26:00.004-04:00

Disclaimer: we did not originally write this; it came from material distributed by our agency, Bethany Christian Services. That said, we thought it was worth re-publishing.

ADOPTION in the PAST
Birth parents were not involved in adoption plan.

ADOPTION TODAY
Birth parents can:
-select a couple from written profiles
-meet adoptive parents before/after birth
-negotiate the amount of ongoing contact after placement (photos, letters, e-mails, videos and/or visits)

**

ADOPTION in the PAST
Closed – no information was shared

ADOPTION TODAY
Open/Individualized – contact issues are discussed and decided between
birth parents and adoptive families

**

ADOPTION in the PAST
Adoption records automatically sealed

ADOPTION TODAY
Records are more open, allowing an adult adoptee the opportunity to find birth parent(s), if birth parents are in agreement with this contact.

**

ADOPTION in the PAST
Minimum counseling was provided.

ADOPTION TODAY
Free counseling is provided throughout the pregnancy. Follow-up counseling continues for as long as needed. Post-adoption support groups are provided for birth parents.

**

ADOPTION in the PAST
Grief and loss not acknowledged

ADOPTION TODAY
Loss is central theme in adoption for all parties. Counseling is available to process this loss.

**

ADOPTION in the PAST
Lack of contact with the baby in the hospital

ADOPTION TODAY
Amount of hospital contact is determined by birth parents.
Birth parents can care for the baby during the hospital stay.

**

ADOPTION in the PAST
Emphasis was on the adoptive family’s desire for a baby

ADOPTION TODAY
Emphasis is child focused, adoptive families are resource families for children and birthfamilies in need.

**

Additionally, our words reflect our values. They wound or heal, alienate or educate.

The words we use reveal as much about us and our values as they do about the situations that we are trying to describe. Our views, experiences, biases, and assumptions are intrinsically woven into the words we use to communicate every day.

The language of adoption is full of expressions we have "always heard" and all too easily use. These expressions shape the perceptions of both the people who use them and the people who hear them. They convey our values and biases and can encourage or stop communication.

The importance of being aware of the values that our words convey is not confined to the language of adoption. It can be as simple as deciding whether to use the word "problem" or "challenge" when it comes to describing a child’s behavior. A disagreement can be a "difference of opinion" or an "argument." The subtle nuances between the words we choose and those we do not can elicit profoundly different responses from the listener. Listeners hear through the filter of their own experience and emotion.

So it is with adoption. A simple choice of words can reveal our views and communicate a great deal to a listener. We encourage social workers, adoptive parents, birthparents, board members, volunteers and supporters to use language that accurately reflects the reality of adoption. This list is not exhaustive but it reflects some of the more common words that are encountered when discussing adoption.

Rather than…....................We suggest

Real Parent(s)…...................Birthparent(s), Birthmother, Birthfather
Natural parent(s) …............Biological parent(s)
Unwed mother…................Single parent
Real child…........................Birth child
Illegitimate child…..............Child of unmarried parents
Put up for Adoption….........Make an adoption plan
Give up for adoption …......Choose adoption
Is adopted….......................Was adopted
Keep a child…...................Parent a child
Hard to place child…..........Child with special placement needs
Unwanted pregnancy…......Unplanned, unintended or untimely pregnancy
Find parents…...................Search for birthparents
Foreign adoption …...........Intercountry adoption

Little Girl, Little Boy

2011-02-07T23:00:00.011-05:00

When we first began the adoption process some time ago, I started thinking about how, as adoptive parents-to-be, there are so many different aspects of the waiting process in comparison to a couple that's having a baby biologically. I started to imagine our future kids and felt close to them just by imagining our lives together. Tara and I have also talked about how we're looking forward to adopting a girl and a boy (in no particular order). I don't know when exactly we'll be united with them, but we already love them more than anything.

As we've mentioned numerous times, we are also looking forward to getting to know and grow in relationship with our future baby's birthparents. These are the inspiring individuals who make the amazing and selfless choice to give their unborn children the gift of life. If not for these great people, we would not have the opportunity to become parents. Birthparents, you are our heroes!

All of these thoughts morphed into this song...which I've finally decided to share with you.
Not the highest quality video, but it'll have to do for now. (Lyrics are below)
Hope you enjoy...

Little Girl, Little Boy
(c) 2011 Words & Music by Alan R. Atchison

Little girl, little girl
Though I've never met you, you're my world
And all I can do to be close to you now
is think of the things that we're gonna do...

Little girl, near or far
Can you feel my love wherever you are?
One day you'll see when you're home with me
and your mom and we'll be a real family...

Little boy, little boy
you're my light and my star and my joy
And I just can't wait to watch you grow into
the man that I know you're going to be...

Little boy, standing tall
Apple of my eye, I won't let you fall
No need to despair, my prince and my heir
you will know you are home
you are home, you are home

I promise always to stand right beside you
and I'll give you all I am for as long as I'm alive

Little boy, little girl
rest assured you'll always be my whole world
and until the day you come home to stay
you will not be alone, not be alone, never alone

Shock, Awe, Patience & Grace

2011-02-01T00:25:00.006-05:00

When last we left off, we had announced a big matching grant opportunity through Lifesong for Orphans. Quick recap: we had to raise $2,500 in outside support to get an additional $2,500 from this organization. So we opened it up to you fine folks and well, you responded...big time! We not only raised the $2,500, but thanks to your support, we doubled it! With the matching grant included, we have currently raised over $7,600, which puts a HUGE dent in our overall adoption expenses! As we've said on numerous occasions, "thank you" doesn't come close to expressing our gratitude. We cannot wait to gush to our future son or daughter about the ways that so many amazing people played a part in bringing him or her home to us. If you are still interested in contributing to our adoption fund, please feel free to do so through the "donate" button on the right. While your dollars will no longer be matched, Lifesong for Orphans is still collecting funds on our behalf, and all contributions are tax-deductible.

Switching gears now. Our house looks completely different than it did a year ago. Definitely much more baby-proofed than it used to be. With all the work we've done to get our house ready for our baby, I'm guessing that a pregnancy counselor would say Tara is in "nesting mode" right now. Whatever the terminology, her desire to get our house ready has been motivational for me to say the least. Here's a snapshot of our handiwork:

Man-cave no more...

The hardest part about getting everything ready is not knowing when that day will come. Imagine going to see your favorite performer. You're waiting for the house lights to dim and the music to start. The anticipation heightens throughout the room with each passing minute until you feel like you just can't stand it any longer. The longer you wait, the more you feel like you can wait no more. Yet despite the agony, you know that the performer you came to see is more than worth any length of waiting. Now imagine that feeling of anticipation magnified a million times over, permeating through you every waking moment. Always agonizing, always hoping, always waiting...yet knowing that one day, the real show will begin. This is the life of the waiting adoptive couple.

We'd also like to take a moment to address something that's been in the news a lot in the past week. This past January 22nd marked the 38th anniversary of the controversial Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court decision, which has continued to simultaneously spark much outrage and celebration. As adoptive parents-to-be, and as individuals who believe human life begins at conception, I don't think it's any secret where we stand on the issue of abortion. However, we also know and love people who have made the decision to abort and, while we could never agree, we've witnessed the circumstances that pushed them toward that decision. And no matter what, our love for these individuals will never decrease. One thing we've unequivocally learned is that no matter a person's political or religious viewpoints, no one is a fan of abortion itself and in a perfect world, no one would like to see any child aborted. We hope and pray that, as time continues to pass and more and more awareness is generated, the beautiful practice of adoption would be cultivated so deeply throughout the pro-life community (and quite frankly, throughout all communities), that many more individuals -- especially young pregnant women who feel alone, condemned, and desperately out of options -- would instead feel esteemed and choose to give their children the gift of life and a new family. The pro-life community has, by and large, offered little grace and few tangible alternatives to these women, choosing instead to dictate their feelings in the voting booth and at the dinner table. If we wish to see a drastic reduction in abortions, the change in culture starts not simply by undoing the law and spewing hot air, but by both fertile and infertile couples taking action and embracing the necessity and beauty of expanding their families through adoption. This is the world we envision, and this is the world we will continue to work towards.

Matching Grant!

2010-11-16T10:43:00.009-05:00

As you probably know, we have been in the domestic infant adoption process for a little while, and as you're also probably aware, it's a very expensive process ($20,000 in our case). Since we began our adoption journey, we have held various fundraisers and raised several thousands of dollars that would have otherwise taken us years to save on our own. There is no end to our gratitude for the generosity that has been shown to us!

We are embarking on one final fundraising effort: an adoption matching grant through a non-profit organization called Lifesong for Orphans. This amazing organization has just approved us for a matching grant of $2,500!!! However, in order to receive this dollar-for-dollar grant, we must first raise this full amount and are not allowed to contribute to it ourselves.

To be able to have $5,000 (a quarter of our total adoption expenses) covered would be a tremendous lift as we continue on this amazing journey!

We humbly ask you to consider making a one-time (tax-deductible!) contribution toward our matching grant.

To make a secure online donation to our Lifesong for Orphans account:
-Simply click the “Donate” button on the right side of this blog.

To make a donation by check:
-Make check out to: Lifesong for Orphans
-Please write “preference Atchison #1565 adoption” in the memo line and mail to:

Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St.
Gridley, IL 61744

We are prayerfully hopeful that with your help, we can reach our $2,500 goal, which can then be parlayed into $5,000 total toward our adoption expenses. Oh and did we mention that all contributions are tax deductible???

Much love,
Alan & Tara

Taking the Bitter with the Sweet

2010-10-13T00:30:00.014-04:00

As most of you know, we are currently in the waiting phase of the adoption process, which officially began in April. All the paperwork has long since been submitted, as have all the pre-placement funds. In adoption lingo, we are what is known as "paper pregnant."

It's kind of weird knowing that we could become parents at any moment, but for the most part, we have lived pretty normal lives for the past six months. Probably the most frustrating part is simply not knowing the timeline. Most people have nine months with which to plan. We have...well, we won't really know until we know. Oh well, I guess some of the best things in life come together quickly and unpredictably.

We've gotten a tremendous amount of work done on our house in preparation for our baby's arrival. My former man-cave is now a nursery. We painted and rearranged all of our upstairs rooms in order to maximize space. On a personal level, we have made some healthy changes to our eating habits and I have become a bit of a workout fiend (which I guess is good as I approach the doorstep of my 30th birthday). Tara challenged me to start working out in the mornings after witnessing my repeated evening willpower fails. After laughing at her suggestion for about five minutes, I finally said "Ok, I'll give it a shot" and almost three months later, it's a regular part of my morning routine. The goal is for my future kid to be able to say "My dad can beat up your dad!" (though it's much more likely that the other dad and I will just catch a Phillies game instead).

So here comes the part that is extremely difficult to discuss, but probably important to share. Some of you are well aware of the details and others of you have recently asked about this, having heard only sketchy details. So, it's time to share the good with the not-so good. This past July, we were briefly matched with a birthmother who was eight months pregnant and chose us to parent her baby boy, who was due in August. I will never forget the call I received from our case worker who told us that this young woman chose our profile out of the stack and wanted to meet with us. The meeting turned out to be the most exhilarating two hours of human interaction that we'd ever experienced. The two sides fell in love with each other almost immediately and by the next day, the match was made official through our agency. We made the announcement to the world and began immediate plans to bring our about-to-be-born son home. It was, without a doubt, the most amazing joy we'd ever known.

A week later, we received the devastating phone call that, for reasons that are still somewhat unclear to us, our birthmother decided to pull out of the adoption plan. Now let me take a moment to address that aspect. Birthparents have the full right to withdraw from the adoption process at any time before the birth (and in some states, for a short period of time after the birth). We do not disagree with her right to do so, but naturally, that didn't lessen our pain by any stretch of the imagination. Tara and I can honestly say that throughout the course of our lives, we had not tasted true suffering up until that point. This was nothing short of a miscarriage. The pain of losing a baby -- even one not yet born, nor carrying your own genes -- is second to none.

The day after we received the heartbreaking news, we found a handwritten card on our porch from one of our dearest friends. This person had previously experienced a miscarriage, knew what it was like to suffer, and also understood that truly coming alongside hurting people meant walking with them in their pain without being able to provide solid answers. While all the words of sympathy, support, and encouragement from all of our family and friends will always be cherished, the words in this card were unique and comforted us in a truly remarkable way. They were as follows:

Dear friends, since I got the text yesterday about your birthmother pulling out, I've been mulling things through my brain. Searching for something...anything. While I know the deep pain of losing a child, this is different! This is harder!! I wish I could write you some clever words or share some wisdom of some sort...just something to ease your sorrow right now. I will give you all I have, and it's everything (but it doesn't feel like everything yet!) I am fervently praying for you both! Know that Jesus and many others weep with you today!

Three months later, after a lot of processing and a lot of prayer, I believe we have a healthy and hopeful outlook. The world, which only looked gray to us for a time, has begun to display vibrant colors once again. Jesus truly did weep with us in our deepest agony. Our family and friends rallied around us and mourned with us. Our church community completely loved on us. We began to examine why this happened, where we went wrong, and what could have been done differently, only to conclude that we may never know why this happened and that there's nothing we could have done differently.

Additionally, over the course of the past three months, a strange and beautiful thing has actually resulted because of this experience: We are all the more excited about becoming adoptive parents and have never been more in awe of the beauty of adoption. And, just as importantly, we are more convinced than ever before that open-adoption is the best way to go for everyone involved. However brief, the interactions we shared with our former birthmother were more amazing than we could have ever imagined, and we excitedly look forward to once again establishing that kind of relationship when we are matched for good. The feelings of love and admiration you develop for your baby's birthparents cannot be measured, quantified, or put into words. During the time that we were matched, I recall talking to some pregnant couples and actually thinking inwardly "How sad that you and your spouse don't have any birthparents, other than yourselves, with whom to share this incredible joy!" With all my heart, I can honestly say that this sentiment has not wavered. And I can also honestly say that we will always have a special place in our hearts and think fondly about the amazing woman who, for a brief time, chose us to be the parents of her son.

If you are considering adoption, please don't let our recent experience deter you. Our hope and prayer is that this experience will be a positive testimony to others. The truth is that adoption "disappointments" as these are called, are not all that common. But be the statistics as they may, I encourage you to pursue adoption knowing that the rewards far outweigh and completely triumph over the risks. If we had the choice to erase our memories and to simply be six months into the waiting process without having gone through our disappointment, we would turn it down every time. As difficult as it was (and is) to experience, we have learned immeasurably more about the faithful guidance that comes from Christ, the beauty of forming families through adoption, and the kind of parents we are striving to be when our son or daughter finally comes home.

The heart of man plans his way,
but the LORD establishes his steps.
-Proverbs 16:9

With a Little Help From Our Friends...

2010-08-13T14:30:00.003-04:00

If you know us at all, you know that Alan and I are, indeed, people-people. Although, like the rest of humanity, we need personal alone time every once in a while to be rejuvenated, we generally receive life and are energized by being around others and getting to know new people. During this adoption process, it has been particularly energizing and encouraging for us to meet other couples who have adopted, are currently in the adoption process, or are thinking about adopting in the future. It's naturally helpful to share this part of ourselves in common with others because adoption, though growing in popularity, education, and understanding, is still not too common in our society.

During our home study meetings, we were presented with the option of meeting with another couple also adopting through Bethany Christian Services for the purpose of friendship and support. As you can imagine, Alan and I jumped at this opportunity to connect with another couple in this way! Meet new friends who are forming their family through adoption as well, you say? Heck yes!

Our social worker must be super intuitive. She introduced us to a couple she thought "we'd get along well with," and in hanging out two times already, I have just been so beyond-words, thankful for these new friends that have entered our lives. Last Friday night we had them over for pizza and a Phillies game and it felt as if we were spending time with friends we'd known for much longer than just a couple of months! It's amazing to me how shared experiences -- in this case adoption and similar infertility stories -- can so easily and quickly forge a meaningful friendship. These new friends are evidence to me of God's provision, love, and care for us in our lives, especially during this waiting season that can sometimes feel particularly lonely and difficult. I speak for both Alan and myself in saying that we are both looking forward to hopefully many more shared memories with this couple and our future kids who we know God will faithfully bless us with, just as he has blessed us with not only these new friends, but a community of friends who we call family.

Benefit Concert Recap

2010-06-21T14:40:00.020-04:00

This past Saturday, we hosted the Atchison Adoption Benefit Concert, at 2424 Studios. We'd been planning this event for the better part of a year, but due to logistics and scheduling conflicts, it had to be pushed back several times. The event allowed us to raise over $400 dollars, which was awesome, and also allowed me to finally showcase a bunch of songs I'd written, and just have a good time playing music on stage with some very talented friends.

The night started out with music by Will Chambers and his group, Old Love. Afterwards, my friends Grant Hollis (djembe), Laura Winchell (vocals), and I (vocals, guitar) took the stage. A few days before this show, I developed some sort of throat irritation and a bit of a cough. Perfect timing, right? To remedy this, I went up on stage with a bottle of honey and -- I kid you not -- took a swig before every song. I think this really grossed some people out, but it helped my irritated throat reach 100% range capacity. Whatever it takes...

One of my favorite songs to play was one that I wrote called "Little Girl, Little Boy" which is about our future children. Unlike a couple having a biological child, the waiting game for us looks a lot different. We aren't able to look at any ultrasound pictures and we're not able to feel anything kicking inside Tara's belly (unless she's got indigestion or something...) While this can be frustrating, we still feel a tremendous amount of love for our future children and simply look forward to all the things we're going to do and experience with them. And in no particular order, we're looking forward to adopting a girl and a boy, hence the title of the song.

The highlight of the night, as I'm sure all in attendance would agree, was when my buddy Phil came up on stage to sing "Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morrisette to his girlfriend Betsy. You see, Phil and I, in addition to being friends at the same church, also work in the same building and have lunch together from time to time. And well, some very silly things have a tendency to come out of our lunches together. One day, a few weeks back, as we were having lunch on a really swelteringly hot day, Phil decided to do a spot on Alanis impression for me. After a few moments of doing impressions, we somehow birthed the bright idea that he should come up and sing "Head Over Feet" to Betsy. So I went home, learned the song on the guitar, and after a few practices, we were ready to go...complete with Phil doing a harmonica solo! When it came time for the actual performance, Phil didn't disappoint, and Betsy, to her credit, actually stayed in the room and received it well. I think when all was said and done, Phil "won Betsy over, in spite of him."

(Watch video of "Head Over Feet" at the bottom of this entry)

In getting this show ready, I would be completely out of line if I didn't throw an enthusiastically grateful shout out to all the amazing college students who are interning at liberti church this summer. These students selflessly gave of their time and energy before, during, and after the event, and I couldn't be more grateful! Thank you also to Kurt Ro, who set up "Kurt's Cafe" and sold lattes throughout the night. Thank you to Dan Schultz for running the sound (by all accounts, it was mixed perfectly!) Thank you to Bethany DePoy, who designed the flyer for the show. And of course, thank you to Laura, Grant, Will, and Joe for giving of their time and talents.

And thank you to all the rest of you who contributed by helping out at the event and/or coming out to the show. Your support is extremely heartwarming...and I hope you enjoyed the music!

Video - "Head Over Feet"

All Alone in a Crowded Room

2010-05-25T23:10:00.045-04:00

Tonight was one of the most emotionally difficult and challenging nights in our journey to adopt a baby. And the weird thing is, you'd have never even suspected or realized it if you weren't us.

Which you aren't.

I don't think.

As required by our agency -- and rightfully so -- we attended a class at a local hospital on infant care. Seems innocent and simple enough, right? Well it is....and it isn't.

If you're a guy who impregnated his wife and are attending this class with her, you probably feel perfectly normal.

If you're a woman sporting a big, cute pregnant belly and are attending this class with your husband, you probably feel perfectly normal.

But if you're an adoptive couple with no pregnant belly to display, and are being looked at a little differently because people are not really sure why exactly you're in that class, then you sure as hell don't feel perfectly normal.

Such was the case for us tonight as we sat through an otherwise well taught and clearly presented class on caring for newborn babies. And don't get me wrong, we learned a lot of good stuff that can and will be applied when we become parents. But the truth is that we were apprehensive about going to this class tonight to begin with. Since entering the official "waiting phase" a month ago, we've really been struggling with not knowing when our baby is coming home; when that phone call is coming; and knowing that most other expecting parents have full clarity in those areas. (Note: if you're one of our pregnant friends, please know we're not bitter at you at all, and are excited for you; we're just really struggling in this gray area of unpredictability right now).

We tried to go into this infant care class with a positive attitude, but right from the start, the instructor spent a lot of time on aspects of the birth itself, followed by loads of information on the importance of breastfeeding. This was certainly not out of place given the obviously pregnant women throughout the room, but would it have hurt so much to simply ask the crowded room of couples if there was anyone currently in the adoption process? When is it going to come to the point when adoption can be legitimately recognized in these kinds of infant care classes without the class having to be a specific "adoptive couples" class??

Throughout the two hour class, Tara and I seemed to take turns mentally checking out at various intervals. At the end, as we were turning in our class evaluation, the instructor asked Tara when she's due; always a great thing to ask a non-pregnant woman. We said we're adopting, which surprisingly, seemed to catch her way off guard. Is this really the mentality of infant health care in the year 2010?

As we exited the classroom, pretty emotionally detached, we purposely distanced ourselves from the five or six pregnant couples in front of us, hoping to avoid any chance of interaction. Now mind you, Tara and I are hopeless chatterboxes, and 99.9% of the time, we embrace any kind of potential awkwardness and happily discuss adoption in detail with anyone. Unfortunately, tonight was .1% of those other times.

After a few minutes of hanging out in the hallway to let everyone else exit, we headed to the elevator to find one of the couples still there. Crap! Didn't wait long enough! As we got into the elevator and literally stared at the floor, hoping for a quick and silent ride down to the parking garage, the guy inevitably spoke up: "When are you due?"

And just like that, the part of my brain that keeps me from making crudely sarcastic comments at inappropriate times got switched off. "I wish we knew!!" came my blunt response, followed by a few moments of awkward banter in which we, regretfully, were probably a bit stand off-ish.

We got in the car and left, feeling as though we'd run an emotional marathon, which was compounded by learning that the Phillies had lost 8-0 to the Mets. You know, the important things in life...

This blog entry is not about throwing a pity party or thinking that people should feel sorry for us. We are unbelievably blessed in every way and never want to lose sight of that. And we are going to someday be the parents of a beautiful baby, which keeps us excited every day. But we are pretty upset at the way our infant care class seemed to completely ignore the fact that a growing number of couples attending these classes are adopting due to infertility...and that maybe, just maybe, those couples are feeling somewhat inferior and a little out of place in a room full of pregnant bellies. If this blog serves any credible purpose to any infertile couples in the same situation, please know you're not alone. And if this blog ever falls upon the eyes of an infant care class instructor, please understand that adoptive couples deserve to be acknowledged as legitimate parents-to-be, instead of simply assuming all couples in your class (especially the ones who clearly don't look pregnant!) have due dates to give birth.

The Wait Begins!

2010-04-28T12:01:00.010-04:00

A major milestone has been reached:

As of today, we are officially in the "waiting" phase of the adoption process!

(Big exhale!) Simply being able to wait never sounded so good.

As we've written about in numerous past blog entries, the past year has seen us tackle huge amounts of paperwork, background checks, and home study meetings. During that time, as people would naturally ask us if we are expecting to get a call to adopt a baby any day, our response was always a resounding "No...we're not at that stage yet."

Over the past couple of weeks, we have been working on a massive eight-page family profile that pretty much describes everything about who we are, our daily lives, our home, our jobs, and yes...our dog. (Massive thanks to our friend, Chris H. who did most of the program-based work of actually creating it according to our vision). This profile, which was submitted to our agency yesterday, will now be shown to multiple pregnant birth-parents, who will view them in order to determine who they would like to meet as potential matches to adopt their baby once he or she is born.

To set the record straight about one thing, this will not be some ten-year sob story waiting game like the media wants you to believe, so please get that nonsense out of your mind if you happen to be thinking it. As we've all been reminded of lately, adoption stories in the news are almost all negative and magnify the few situations gone wrong rather than laud the vast majority of healthy, successful adoptive placements. So while we don't think it'll be tomorrow, it shouldn't be too long.

So, after all the grunt work we've done over the past year, it's a relief to finally answer the million dollar question: Yes, we are now eligible to get a phone call from our agency, at any time, that a birth-parent would like to meet us for a potential adoptive placement! :)

My man-cave is about to turn into a nursery...

Mark Your Calendars...

2010-04-22T23:05:00.010-04:00

*Flyer designed by Bethany DePoy

*Photo by Seth Shimkonis

The Essence of Community

2010-04-14T14:40:00.014-04:00

Two of our most recent fundraising endeavors have come to a close and what a success they proved to be.

In early February, we began a massive baby bottle fundraiser in which willing participants each took an empty baby bottle provided by us and filled it up with change (or any currency they wished) and returned it to us a month later.

When we began this project, we estimated that we'd possibly bring in around $1,000.

Hopefully.

Probably more like $800.

Maybe.

As of today, with a few bottles still trickling in, we've officially raised $2,800 through our baby bottle project!!

I know...we still can't believe it either.

We're still completely blown away by the community support we've received. We didn't know that this would spread like wildfire, but by the grace of God, it did. We are so grateful to all of you who gave so generously to our adoption fund through this project that it's just too hard to really put into words.

However, one contribution in particular must be pointed out:

I was sitting down at church one Sunday, several weeks back, shortly after we launched the baby bottle fundraiser. A young, seven-year-old girl named Tahnayja came up to me. She had found a dime on her way to church and was trying to figure out what to do with it. Somewhere along the way, she had heard that we are adopting a baby, and while she didn't fully grasp what that meant, she understood that it's an expensive process. She came up to me and thrust out her hand with the dime in it. I asked, "What's this for?" She replied, "For your baby!" I thankfully received the small coin from her hand and put it into my pocket, fighting to maintain composure.

It was one of the most touching gifts we'd ever been given.

I couldn't help but relate this scenario to Luke 21, in which "Jesus looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the offering box, and he saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins. And he said, 'Truly, I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.'"

I don't mean for this to minimize -- in ANY way -- the generosity shown to us by all who have contributed to our adoption fund, but what had compelled this little girl to give away her newfound prize to us? To a seven-year-old, ten cents can mean you're only a few more dimes away from a piece of candy. In a very real and tangible way, it truly felt as though this little girl had somehow "put in more than all of them."

***

On March 28th, we held our benefit brunch at Ida Mae's Bruncherie, a wonderful family-owned restaurant. THANK YOU to all of you who came out to support us, even though I'm sure the draw of eating great food didn't require us to twist your arms. The place was packed for most of the day so we ended up going from table to table to express our gratitude to all who came. We had a bunch of surprise attenders, which was awesome. Overall, it felt a little like our wedding day, as we wanted to make sure we spent at least a few minutes with everyone who showed up. Special thanks to Heather, Stew, Jeff, and Jeanie who drove considerable distances just to participate in our fundraiser. You have no idea how much it meant to us. We made about $200 at Ida Mae's that day and are unbelievably grateful to the restaurant's owner, Mary Kate, for being willing to partner with us in this effort. Ida Mae's is a wonderful restaurant that serves great food and employs wonderful people -- so hey, you should support them and eat there as often as you can!

Some pics from the Ida Mae's brunch
(sorry if we unintentionally missed you!)

March 28th - Ida Mae's Benefit Brunch

2010-03-06T22:22:00.013-05:00

On Sunday, March 28, 2010, we will be partnering with Ida Mae's Bruncherie for a benefit brunch to raise funds for our adoption.

The owner of Ida Mae's has graciously agreed to have March 28th be an adoption-themed day on our behalf and will give us 10% of the restaurant's total earnings for that day. So, if you come to eat at Ida Mae's anytime between 8am and 2pm on that date, you will be contributing to our adoption fund simply by filling your stomach AND will be helping to support a wonderful, family-owned restaurant. Pretty sweet, huh?

Special entree for the day will be "Babies in Blankets" (aka sausage wrapped in pancakes). Vegetarian option (with fruit) will be available.

So come on out on March 28th...bring your family and friends...looking forward to seeing you!!!

Home Study Complete!

2010-02-15T09:30:00.010-05:00

A major component of our adoption process has been completed! Last Tuesday, we had our third and final home study session; this last one took place at our house. Our case worker looked through each room of our house for anything potentially child-hazardous and to make sure we had hot water and flushing toilets! That was the funniest part..."Ok, I need to flush a toilet please."

Long story short, our house has been deemed safe for children.

We spent the next two hours at our dining room table going over a lot of detail regarding parenting itself -- discipline, finances, child care, etc. It was intense. Good, but intense. We've been talking to a lot of our friends and family members with young kids about their various parenting styles, so we have a lot of good information at our disposal with which to make informed decisions when we have a son or daughter.

It's a tremendous relief to have completed the home study process. Welcome to the show, the fun's really about to begin!

Baby Bottle Fundraiser!

2010-01-11T11:10:00.009-05:00

We're beginning a new and interesting adoption fundraising endeavor for anyone who would like to participate. We just purchased a ton of baby bottles and we're asking willing parties to fill one up with change -- or any currency they'd like -- over the course of one month, and then return it to us. Why one month? Because as with all things in life, if we begin something with intentions of getting to it at some point, it usually doesn't get done. (I'm the king of that sort of thing). So we thought it would be a good idea to set a deadline.

As we begin this project, here's a breakdown of the current financial situation:

Total cost to adopt:
$20,000

Already paid:
$2,000

Next amount to be paid before placement with birth parents:
$4,200

Estimated income from baby bottle fundraiser:
$1,000-$2,000

So yeah, being able to raise that amount from the baby bottles alone could be HUGE for us! If you'd be willing to take a bottle and fill it up within one month, please contact one of us. If you don't have our contact info, our email addresses are on the top right under "Bios." If you don't live near us, we'd be happy to either mail you a bottle or drive it to you (within a reasonable driving distance of course).

Thanks again for all your support!

The Second Home Study Go-Around

2010-01-07T18:54:00.016-05:00

We had our second of three home study meetings this morning at Bethany Christian Services' office, and it went really well. The first meeting, last month, was a big get-to-know-you-apart-from-your-paperwork type of session. Today's meeting delved specifically into the health and quality of our marriage as we prepare to adopt a baby. It was actually really uplifting and encouraging to be asked such direct questions about the ways that we love and support each other, as well as the areas that we need to work on. Tara and I have been married for three and a half years now and just when I think I've got her all figured out, she goes and surprises me somehow. And that's just one of the greatest things about being married. I guess you just never have it all figured out until...well, I guess until death do you part. Sorry to sound morbid, but hey, it's in the vows. I didn't make this stuff up.

But I digress.

Our social worker politely apologized a few times for having to ask all sorts of personal, and sometimes very challenging and soul-searching questions about our marriage, but in actuality, it's really healthy and good for all parties involved. To be honest, I'm still a little bit perplexed at how many people still ask me if we have problems with the "interrogations" of the process. My response is always that the agency is responsible for helping birth-parents get matched up with the best adoptive parents possible to raise the child as their own. If the agency didn't want to know everything about us, I'd be a little worried! (A word to the wise, if you're thinking about adopting: be honest about the good, bad, and the ugly in your own life and deal with your crap NOW, not later!)

Our third home study meeting -- which will take place at our house -- is scheduled for February 9th. We've still got some baby-proofing to do before then. We're also in the middle of some really helpful and informative books, which are required to be read before the home study sessions are complete. These books will undoubtedly help us shape some major upcoming parenting decisions. But that's a blog entry for another day...

Self-Disclosure 101: A Tale of Two Tremendous Talkers

2009-12-27T11:34:00.057-05:00

So, our first home study, or should I say first pre-adoption interview, is done!

On Tuesday, December 22nd, Alan and I drove to our local Bethany Christian Services office and met with our social worker and another staff member for home study meeting number one of three. The first two meetings take place at Bethany's office and the last one is held at our home in Philadelphia. The purpose of this first interview was to begin to flesh out some of the information from our paperwork into a real-life, real-time conversation between us and our social worker. To be really honest, while we have attended a few meetings, read some informative books and materials, and learned a TON about adoption thus far, we still have quite a lot more to ponder, consider, wrestle with, and learn as we move towards becoming parents.

On our way to this first home study meeting, Alan and I were very excited to sit down with adoption professionals and talk through our journey to and through this process. Yes, for those of you who know us well, this makes sense; we are quite the talkers. It's one thing for us to go to an initial info meeting and fill out paperwork about our personal backgrounds and our reasons for choosing adoption. But to actually dialogue about our stories, questions, concerns, and excitements out loud is a whole other exhilarating ballgame (baseball game that is...we have a preference in our house). We have determined that this kind of open-communication interview process is especially helpful and exciting for an adoptive couple like ourselves since we have concluded over the years that we are both indeed "verbal processors," or simply put, people that make better sense out of our experiences by talking through things with others.

With these personal characteristics firmly understood, we were happy to go into detail when our social worker invited us to describe our personal strengths and weaknesses, as well as our childhood/family experiences. We recognize that while this level of honesty and openness can feel like a very vulnerable and scary position, this is also a way of truthfully acknowledging all sides of reality (both the good and the bad), which have shaped both who we are today, and who we will be in the future. We've mentioned this in previous blog entries, but while many individuals might find this part of the adoption process to be intrusive and uncalled for, Alan and I fall under the conviction that more expecting parents -- both adoptive and biological -- would benefit from this type of extensive reflection and evaluation of their own readiness to parent children in the most helpful and nurturing of environments. In our opinion, as soon-to-be parents, we ought to be all the more proactive with regard to not just trying to mask weaknesses or trying simply to "put our best feet forward," but attempting to be more honest about our strengths and our less-spoken-about weaknesses, which will surface more frequently as children enter our homes and add a new layer of challenge to our lives...lives, which can already be rather complicated.

To give you a 2-minute glimpse into our first home study meeting, here is a fragment of the conversation. (You are allowed to laugh...some of this is a bit cheesy, though very helpful):

Social worker: "Alan, could you please tell me some of Tara's strengths?"

Alan: "I think one of Tara's biggest strengths is not being satisfied with the status quo and always wanting to move away from complacency. She's been very helpful in challenging me in very practical ways in order to grow personally and I think that she'll bring this strength into our family as well. I'm definitely a better man because of her consistent presence in my life, pushing me in ways that affirm me, and not allowing me to get away with excuses for not continuing to grow."

Social worker: "Tara, could you also do the same for Alan? What are some of his strengths?"

Tara: "I would have to say that Alan is one of the most loyal people I've ever met, both in his responsibilities and commitments, but most importantly in his relationships with people. I think this will translate greatly and powerfully into parenthood because Alan is a man who keeps his word. When he says he'll do something, he means it and this will be a powerful thing that he'll provide for our children."

Our conversation later moved into some detail about our deep struggles with anger, frustration, impatience, workaholism, etc. -- all things that the average Joe Shmoe struggles with but is not often given a healthy platform to admit and/or deal with in a proactive way.

One of the most encouraging things about this first meeting with these two women was the way that they affirmed our frankness and openness as an adoptive couple. They acknowledged several times that meetings like this can be tough for anyone and that the quickness with which we shared our joys, excitement, concerns, and lives with them was admirable and particularly helpful for both parties in this season of preparation. From an adoption agency's perspective, it's helpful for them to know the details of our excitement and joys, as well as our pain and struggles. For us, it's equally helpful to be truthful with ourselves -- acknowledging some real hardships in our lives and allowing ourselves to grieve and address hard circumstances -- rather than playing a game of cover-up and selling a fake version of ourselves, which only presents the rose-colored, surface-level pretty sides of Tara and Alan Atchison. While our healthy and positive attributes are there, we recognize that there are other negative and unhelpful aspects about ourselves that we'll naturally bring into being Mom and Dad which will also bring a certain level of struggle to our kids' lives. This is a reality for ALL parents, not just for those of us who are asked to discuss our lives with a social worker.

We are grateful, especially during this process, to remember that our identity ultimately resides in Christ, and to recall that while we are still sinners, worse than we could ever know or admit, we are also loved more deeply and fully than we can imagine. Through this unconditional love, we are grateful for the freedom to be able to admit our failures while acknowledging our strengths and areas of past and current growth. As I type this, I've begun to consider more deeply as I think about welcoming our baby into our home, that even though our children may never resemble Alan and I in detailed physical features, we hope and pray that as a result of being exposed to our feeble and flawed examples, our children will end up following the positive characteristics that we hope to model for them.

Thanks for continuing to support us on this journey through your friendship, asking for updates, praying for us, buying our coffee and financial donations (by clicking the "Donate" button up top). Our next home study interview is scheduled for January 7th and we're greatly looking forward to it. In the meantime, we will begin working on our family profile, which will be shown to birthparents in the months to come.

Preparing for Home Study #1

2009-12-03T00:01:00.021-05:00

A bit of weight is off our chests. We have officially completed and turned in our massive stack of paperwork to Bethany Christian Services...and I couldn't be happier to have it out of my face! "In depth" does not even come close to describing the information that's needed from us on those forms. But hey, I guess it makes sense for the agency to learn as much as they can about the people they're turning into parents.

No sooner had we turned in the paperwork to our agency than we received a call to confirm that everything had been received and to set up our first home study meeting. Now that's 24 hour efficiency! Our first meeting is scheduled for December 22nd. As described in other sections of this blog, the home study is a three-part session that includes discussion and counsel about being adoptive parents, as well as an inspection of our house during the third session. We're really looking forward to digging into it.

Thank you to all of you who pray with us and for us about our future children -- nothing could be more powerful. Thank you to all of you who have encouraged and loved on us, even in the smallest and most unexpected of ways -- you've picked us up in ways you'll never know. Thank you to all who've already helped us out by contributing financially to our adoption fund -- our gratitude for your gifts will know no end.

More details to come after our first home study meeting...

ATTENTION COFFEE LOVERS!!!

2009-11-29T21:43:00.022-05:00

Ok, I know that seems like an odd title to put on an adoption blog, but hear me out. Tara and I have just signed up with Just Love Coffee -- an organization that sells fair-trade coffee, with proceeds going towards the fair support of coffee farmers, orphans in Ethiopia, and personal adoptions.

Long story short, for every pound of coffee that is sold through our account, $5 goes towards our adoption fund. Our goal with Just Love Coffee is to raise $1,500 of our total adoption expenses.

All you have to do is visit the Just Love Coffee Atchison Adoption page and buy great coffee online, either on a monthly or bi-monthly basis. One time purchases can also be made by scrolling down to the "add to cart" section.

Maybe you love coffee and this is an easy sell for you. OR maybe you've been saying to yourself, "Hey, I've always wanted to try this strange drink called 'coffee' that everyone raves about but I've just never known how to go about it. Where can I get my hands on this amazing beverage?" OR maybe you've thought to yourself, "You know, I'm not a big coffee fan, but Alan & Tara are pretty cool. I'll buy some coffee on their behalf just because they're so cool." OR maybe you hate the taste of coffee and have no interest in drinking it, but your friend/relative/spouse/significant other loves it and you've been deliberating on a Christmas gift for him or her.

Whatever your reasoning may be, please consider this mutually beneficial opportunity! If you do purchase coffee or any other Just Love Coffee products through our account, please email us and let us know (unfortunately Just Love Coffee has not yet made it so that we can see who makes purchases). Thanks!

October Update

2009-10-24T11:53:00.003-04:00

It's been a little while since we last posted to this blog. Sorry to all the adoring fans. Just wanted to provide an update on where we are in the adoption process at this moment in time. Thanks to all of you who have been keeping up with us and continuously asking us questions and encouraging us in our journey towards becoming parents. It really means the world to hear from you and makes us feel like an expecting Mom & Dad rather than project workers!

We intentionally slowed down the process in the second half of the summer and early part of the fall as July, August, and September were rather busy months. I know, I know...things only get busier when you become a parent. So hey, all the more reason to try to keep some control over our own time while we've still got it!

As we mentioned in a previous entry, we were given a huge stack of paperwork by our agency, Bethany Christian Services, to go through and fill out. At the present time, we're about 97% finished with the paperwork. The last couple of things we need to do are to create a legal will and choose a pediatrician. The will shouldn't be too hard to do, but choosing a pediatrician isn't as simple as it would be if we were having a biological child. In keeping with the rule put forth by our agency, the pediatrician needs to be willing to examine our baby within 48 hours after he or she is placed with us. This will require a great amount of flexibility on the doctor's part. We will probably need to set up some meetings with different pediatricians to see who has the most experience in working with adoptive couples.

Once all of those paperwork details are out of the way -- hopefully in the not too distant future -- we will be ready to begin our home study! Talking about the home study process has elicited a range of reactions from different people. Some have said having to do a home study is downright intrusive, invasive, and a violation of our privacy. Others have said the home study is a very good and necessary measure in order to make sure the child is not entering a dangerous environment and to get us more prepared to become parents. We lean 100% towards the latter sentiment.

If you want to know what an adoption home study is NOT, watch the season 10 episode of Friends titled "The One with the Home Study." In the episode, Chandler & Monica are having their apartment inspected by an adoption social worker in hopes that she will give them a good report and place them on the adoption waiting list. Monica warns Chandler not to mess anything up because "if she doesn't like us, she can keep us off every list in the country!" This makes for good prime time TV, but greatly exaggerates and distorts the point of the home study in the first place.

The home study process will involve three separate meetings with our social worker; a woman with whom we have already cultivated a trusted relationship. The first two meetings will be at our agency's office and will involve discussion and counsel about becoming adoptive parents. We will most likely get into the good, the bad, and the ugly in these sessions and while it might sometimes be difficult, the discussions are sure to help us grow. The third meeting will take place at our house. Our social worker will come to check out our house in order to help us get prepared to welcome home a baby -- NOT to try to keep us from being parents. Naturally, if she notices things that may be hazardous, she will identify them and let us know what we have to do before our baby comes home.

Exciting stuff! More to come...

3 Years & Counting...

2009-07-29T13:19:00.014-04:00

Today, we are celebrating our 3 year wedding anniversary! Who knows, maybe by this time next year, there will be a little one wreaking havoc around the house! During the first 3 years of our marriage, we have gone through a lot, but when we look back on it all, many of the interesting dynamics between the two of us are really the result of how we got together in the first place. If you're interested in reading a backstory of the journey that led us to this point, then please click here.

"I'm not your bleeping Mommy!"

2009-07-27T09:59:00.072-04:00

This past Friday, the new horror film Orphan was released across the country and three days later, is number four at the box office, with a rating of nearly 7 out of 10 on imdb.com. Not too bad for an opening weekend.

Even before its release, we heard a lot of buzz about the film, so we finally looked into it. The premise of the film involves a married couple named John and Kate (such original names!) who suffer a stillbirth and as a result, their marriage takes a hit. To get things back on track, they decide to adopt a nine-year-old girl named Esther from a local orphanage. Once they bring Esther home to be their daughter, a bunch of unexpected things begin to happen -- namely, she starts killing people (big surprise!). From here on out, Esther naturally poses a threat to John, Kate, and their two biological children. As a result, she is no longer seen as their daughter and member of the family, but as an outsider...a curse...something to be contended with and, if necessary, exterminated.

The initial promotional ads for the film contained this tagline:
"It must be difficult to love an adopted child as much as your own."

Wait....WHAT?!?!?! Are you freaking KIDDING ME?!?!?!

Think about this for a second; would you EVER expect our culture to stand for the following movie promo taglines?:

"It must be difficult to love a retarded child as much as a normal one."

"It must be difficult to love a gay child as much as your straight ones."

"It must be difficult to love a black child as much as your white ones."

No, you would never see those, nor should you. Such taglines would be hideous and deplorable and would surely sink a film before its release. But the reason for Orphan's tagline is simple: it's perfectly acceptable in our society to attach stigmas and false stereotypes to adopted children and to specify the fact that they are adopted as much as possible, especially when they go through even the most normal of developmental issues. Thankfully, due to very necessary outcry from the adoption community, the film's sick tagline has since been removed and changed to run two interchangable taglines of "I don't think Mommy likes me very much" and "There's something wrong with Esther."

To be honest, we're not fans of those two new taglines either, nor the entire premise of the film for that matter. The general theme seems to be that adoption is something to be feared, especially if you choose to adopt an older child because the bottom line is they're not your real family. This stranger-brought-into-the-family scenario doesn't contain much logic however. While we've personally seen a lot of people make some seriously horrible choices with their lives -- people who've been raised by their biological parents no less -- those people were never treated as non-family members or had their rightful titles of "son" or "daughter" stripped from them.

Without giving away too much of Orphan's final plot twist, the scene at the end of the film between Kate and Esther climaxes with Kate screaming "I'm not your f---ing Mommy!!!" -- a proverbial nail in the coffin, so to speak, in which it is made absolutely and unequivocally clear to the film's viewers that when things get really bad with your adopted child, it's in the parents' best interest to completely divorce the parent/child relationship, because hey, they're not really "your" kid anyway! They're just orphans.

What's the point of writing this? Some have said it's just a movie, no big deal. We disagree. People are constantly going into filmmaking because they want to get some sort of cultural message out. Movies have the capacity to bring issues and concepts to light in both positive and negative ways. Often times movies put spoken words and pictures to what our culture is really thinking but maybe doesn't want to say out loud because it's just not PC. On top of that, movies tend to influence our culture in profound ways towards even the most basic aspects of life. Tons of people were afraid of showering after the release of Psycho. People didn't want dolls in their houses after seeing the Child's Play movies. The presence of dogs instills panic for some because of the film, Cujo. And I personally know people who are terrified of clowns because of the film, It. It's not out of the realm of possibility for Orphan to have the same effect on people who might be thinking about adopting a child, yet choose not to out of fear of bringing home another Esther. And what about the people who might not be interested in adopting, but start to look a little differently at the adopted kid down the street? How about all of the adopted kids in school right now who are going to have to listen to the taunts and labels thrown at them as a result of this film? All of this might sound far fetched, but the next time someone tells you they don't stereotype, just ask them what movies they watch.

Our point is not to say you shouldn't see Orphan, but to think about and even speak out against the overall context and the utter falsehoods contained within the premise of this film. At a time when our society should continuously be promoting the beauty and necessity of growing families through adoption, this film appears to remind viewers that adoption is nothing but a risky, second best option.

If you're interested, please check out Orphans Deserve Better - a grassroots initiative launched after the release of this film, that works to take the side of children who don't have the power to speak for themselves.

Mythbusters, Perceptions, and the Quest for DNA

2009-07-16T00:11:00.028-04:00

One of the biggest, and probably most helpful things we've been learning about recently is the issue of what it means to be an adoptive parent in our 21st century American culture. This is not as neat and simple as one might think. After some initial blog entries covering our story, the basics of the adoption process, and some FAQ, here are some things that we're learning and being challenged by. Hopefully this will be informative to people, both fertile and infertile, who are interested in or curious about adoption. To give credit where credit is due, several of these points have been fleshed out in the book Adopted For Life by Russell D. Moore.

Adoption is counter-cultural
We were made to procreate. No matter what your worldview is on life, that fact is indisputable. Human beings are biologically designed to reproduce offspring, and for the most part, we do, except for those of us who cannot do so for reasons out of our control. We are also wired to love and care for our offspring above all others. Even most of the people we would consider to be the worst individuals imaginable somehow know how to be kind and generous to their children. However, adopting another human and bringing him/her into your home as your child doesn't just happen quickly, accidentally, or in the heat of the moment -- whether it's within a committed marriage, a one night stand, or between two frisky teenagers. As Moore states, "When we adopt, and when we encourage a culture of adoption in our churches and communities...we're fighting for orphans and making them sons and daughters." This is, by definition, counter-cultural.

Adoption is vital
Moore states that, "Our world increasingly sees children as, at best, a commodity to be controlled and, at worst, a nuisance to be contained." As a result, there are way more children in need of homes than there ever will be adoptive families ready to step up and do something about it. Moore puts it this way:

Think of the plight of the orphan somewhere right now out there in the world. It's not just that she's lonely. It's that she has no inheritance, no future. With every passing year, she's less "cute," less adoptable. In just a few years, on her eighteenth birthday, she'll be expelled from the orphanage or from "the system." What will happen to her then? Maybe she'll join the military or find some job training. Maybe she'll stare at a tile on the ceiling above her as her body is violated by a man who's willing to pay her enough to eat for a day, alone in a back alley or in front of a camera crew of strangers. Maybe she'll place a revolver in her mouth or tie a rope around her neck, knowing no one will have to deal with her except, once again, the bureaucratic "authorities" who can clean up the mess she leaves behind. Can you feel the force of such desperation?

At the same time, over the past several decades, millions upon millions of unborn babies have been aborted by people who felt they had no alternatives in their situation. Regardless of whatever side of this issue you are on, I highly doubt you look at many millions of terminated fetuses as a good thing. A culture that emphasizes adoption would, no doubt, advance the cause of life. Imagine what it might look like if a large majority of those who call themselves "pro-life" (and yes, I'm speaking specifically towards Christians here, though certainly not exclusively) did more than just throw that term around in political discussions and in the voting booths. If churches actually started becoming known as places where babies -- unable to be properly cared for by their birth parents -- became beloved children, there's a good chance we would see more women give their children the gift of life, especially if they are able to see a culture of adoption modeled before their own eyes.

Adoption isn't charity
We live in an era in which the mention of adoption usually elicits reactions of "Oh, that's great they're doing that, good for them!" or "I'm not surprised they're adopting...they're very generous people." Now of course, there's nothing wrong with commending anyone who is adopting. But what's at risk in most cases, when expressing these statements to adoptive couples, is the devaluing of these individuals from prospective parents into pitied do-gooders (ie, they can't have their "own kids" so instead, the perception is that they're doing something sweet and nice to further the cause of humanitarianism). Ask yourself this question: would you go up to a pregnant woman and tell her that it's great she will be giving birth because she and her spouse/partner are generous and selfless people who are doing something good for society? Sounds a little silly, no? Since we began the adoption process, this is something that we've heard numerous times in a variety of different wordings and while we appreciate that all parties have undoubtedly meant well, the comments have never once encouraged us to feel like expecting parents. In a nutshell, adopting children goes way beyond anything that can be considered charity. It is a permanent and drastic lifestyle change, the same as if one were to give birth biologically. As lovingly as this can be said, a simple rule of thumb is to treat adoptive couples with the same joy and anticipation that you would towards a couple in which the woman is pregnant (you just might not want to tell an adoptive mother that she looks fat).

Adoption isn't for everyone
After all that's been written above, this heading may seem out of place. But it's true. Not everyone is called to adopt, though I'm sure it would be easy to hide behind that statement as a cop out. If you and your spouse/partner choose not to have children, or you learn that you are infertile and while you still love kids, the reality of your infertility doesn't devastate you, then perhaps your efforts could be best used elsewhere. For example, we live in Philadelphia, a place where caring for children is an absolute necessity. We've seen firsthand, the amazing joy experienced by all parties when couples take the time to tutor or hang out with kids in their neighborhoods whose parents either may not be a consistent presence in their lives, or who need to work long hours just to make ends meet. Couples without children are definitely at a crucial advantage in this arena.

Pursuing adoption is also not a good idea for any couples who are trying to -- how shall I put this? -- strike a deal with God or whoever they believe the cosmic governing powers to be. By this I mean, if you are beginning to go through the motions of the adoption process in hopes that your prayers for a biological child will be answered once the Almighty sees your "pious" attempts to reach out to a child in need, then you are clearly not ready to adopt a child. As mentioned above, adoption is not charity and a child is not a bargaining chip. Why do I feel so strongly about this? Because I was this person! Given our infertile situation, my subconscious thought process went something like "Let's pursue a surrogate mother to carry 'our' child and fill out a little adoption paperwork on the side and hopefully 'our' child will be born first." While I am not in any way discrediting the validity of surrogate pregnancies when appropriate, my mindset was not, in any way, in a place to welcome a child with someone else's DNA into my home as my own. (As a follow up, we have all but ruled out surrogate pregnancy in our situation due primarily to the sky-high costs, the improbability of it working, and a variety of sticky ethical issues that are involved in the process).

Adoption isn't second best
Let's look a little closer at this sentiment. Since getting married, people have asked us from time to time if we have kids. In response, we'd always tell them that we don't have kids yet but are planning to adopt. In many cases, the response would go something like "Oh, you're not going to have your own kids?" Whether or not each person meant it this way, the sentiment seemed to be pretty clear in most cases: if the child isn't produced from your own body, you're not truly parents.

In another situation, described in Adopted for Life, Russell Moore talks about a time in which he was meeting with a couple that was having trouble conceiving and after a great deal of heartache, was now being advised by doctors about more extreme measures such as in-vitro fertilization (note: I am not saying that IVF is not a perfectly viable option for some couples). This couple was really worried about the costs and efficacy of IVF and when asked by Moore why they weren't considering adoption -- in which the end result is all but guaranteed -- their reply was a somewhat typical one:

"Well," she said. "We'd love to adopt...you know, someday. We think it's a great thing. But first we want to have our own kids. I am happy to adopt, but I want that first baby to be mine." The husband followed up, elaborating on what she'd said. They loved the idea of adoption, but they really wanted to be able to see their own eyes staring up at them in the face of their child. I put down my coffee cup and leaned forward. "So here's the question," I asked. "Do you want most of all to be parents, or do you want most of all to be conservators of your genetic material?"

Moore's response cuts right to the core of what most people believe about this situation. Adoption is not glorified babysitting, a backup plan, or a pathetic last resort for couples who are subjected to the sad, pitiful fate of malfunctioning reproductive systems! Just the contrary in fact. Adoption equals the saving of lives, the expanding of families, and the transformation of orphans into heirs. I once saw a coffee mug that said "Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad." Of all the cheesy mother & father's day gift items out there, there is none with truer words than this one. We look forward to this more than anything in the world because being a Mom and a Dad transcends anything that can ever be gained from matching DNA.

FAQ

2009-06-10T14:06:00.096-04:00

Since starting this blog, we've received a number of questions covering all different aspects of adoption. Here are some of the more commonly asked ones, along with our answers. Please keep your questions coming and we'll answer them here periodically.

What kind of adoption are you doing?
Human. Ok, sorry. For our first child, we are doing "domestic infant adoption" (ie, an American-born, newborn baby, straight from the womb to us). The reason for this is because we would like the opportunity to raise our first child from birth; perhaps a decision we'll come to regret after the fifth consecutive sleepless night. In addition, the domestic infant process seems to be the fastest route to becoming parents. We have not made any decisions yet on what adoption avenues we'll pursue after our firstborn, but we certainly plan to adopt more than once.

How long will the process take before you have a baby?
This is, hands down, the most commonly asked question, and a great one at that. People have asked if we are expecting to become parents any day now. Well, unfortunately you don't just drop your name in a hat and get a phone call 5 minutes later like Monica and Chandler on Friends. But it's not a completely blind waiting game either. There's a logical system of order in place: 1) Application 2) Paperwork 3) Home study 4) Personal profile 5) Birthparent matching 6) Placement of child. We are on step 2. You don't even become eligible to be matched with a birthparent until your personal profile is created, which is what the birthparents look at in order to determine which adoptive couples they would like to meet and potentially be matched with. I should probably say in addition, that the process won't take our whole lives, contrary to what Hollywood or the media horror stories would have you believe. In all our research and from all the personal testimonies we've heard from agencies and adoptive couples, the whole process from start to finish, should be between one to two years total, if that.

Why are you adopting?
I'd love to give you some sort of selfless, altruistic answer, but the primary reason is because of infertility. It's a tough pill to swallow, and if I may be blunt, no one can truly understand the pain of it unless you've gone through it yourself. Over time, we've received a lot of well-intended, but rather unhelpful sympathy remarks such as "Oh, you'll be fine! You'll adopt and it'll be great!" by people with good intentions, but who may not know what to say when we've talked about our struggles in coping with this. Yes, the clichés are sometimes true, but to be honest, the genuine listeners who pretty much have nothing to say except for a heartfelt "Yeah, it really sucks" have been the most thoughtful and comforting to us. This is not to say that you shouldn't ask us about our adoption journey or our struggles - far from it! But we really just need to be honest about how it affects us when friends or family try to throw easy answers at us because they don't know what to say. The truth is, sometimes there is no easy answer at the moment, and that's OK.

Isn't it unfair to try to adopt if you CAN have biological kids?
While this question doesn't directly apply to us, this is another common one that comes up in discussions. The perceived sentiment is that pursuing adoption when you are physically capable of having biological children is unfair, as it would delay the adoption process for infertile couples. This is hands down untrue and is often times an excuse used primarily to assuage guilty consciences. There will never be a deficit of children in need of homes but there WILL always be a deficit of people willing to adopt them unless more families respond to this need, both fertile and infertile. I don't want to be a hypocrite and say that I would absolutely adopt under different circumstances, but with such a great need in today's world for children to be adopted, I thought the misconception about this question was worth addressing.

Will you tell your kids they are adopted?
Absolutely and unequivocally YES!!! Lying to our child about where he or she came from would, in our opinion, be a complete injustice, as well as emotionally and psychologically harmful. We will naturally have to wait until our child is old enough to grasp basic concepts of the situation, but when the time comes, we will be more than happy to explain the beautiful story about how he or she became our son or daughter. Children who are adopted will naturally have different and unique identity questions. As these arise, adoptive parents must be willing to address these questions with wisdom and sensitivity according to each child's needs.

Will the birth-parent(s) be in the picture once the baby is born?
This naturally goes hand in hand with the last question. The short answer of it is that we believe our child should know who his or her birth-parents are as a part of fully understanding who they are and where they came from. Sometimes, unfortunately, the birth-fathers don't stick around, but sometimes they do. Some birth-parent(s) and adoptive couples choose to have a "closed" adoption, meaning all ties are permanently severed once the baby is placed with the adoptive couple. We don't believe this is a good idea as most studies have shown (as well as personal testimonies we've heard and read) that most adopted children will eventually want to find out who gave birth to them as an answer to their origin. Plus, with internet searches making the world smaller and smaller, it would be very unfortunate for our child to grow up and have to track down his or her birth-parents when we could have helped fill that void from the beginning. Others choose "open" or "semi-open" adoption, which allows some form of contact between the child and the birth-parent(s). This could take the form of scheduled visitations and/or phone calls, birthday gifts, exchanges of letters and pictures, or some other arrangement worked out between the adoptive couple and the birth parent(s). We will be having an open adoption, as we believe that some form of birth-parent contact would be healthiest for our child's growth and development. Just as importantly, an open adoption arrangement is the least an adoptive couple can do to show birth-parents (whose feelings are often discarded in this process) just how much they are loved, respected, and appreciated for the unbelievablely amazing and selfless decision they have made.

Does it really cost $20,000 to adopt a baby?
Yes, and with some other agencies, domestic infant adoption runs as high as $35,000 to $40,000! Just to be clear however, none of the money goes to the birth parent(s) as that would be considered slavery, which has long since been outlawed in the United States. The silver lining is that only $6,000 is needed before the birth of our child. This amount will cover the home study, background checks, legal expenses, and the personal profile creation. The remaining $14,000 is due when the baby comes home and can be paid off over time, as well as through great adoption tax credits which are available today.

The Leaning Tower of Paper

2009-05-29T09:57:00.077-04:00

"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away."
-George Eliot

There's something intrinsically comforting about being around certain people in our lives, especially those who we are closest to, who provide what I call "safe place" comfort. I have found that inexpressible comfort in my marriage with Alan, and I think you'd agree with me that this sentiment is worth cherishing and celebrating! With this in mind, I've written the following story/update with much thankfulness for God's provision for us, even at the very start of this potentially long and tedious process.

What has been really encouraging and confirming to both Alan and myself about starting our adoption process is finding a similar (although obviously different) type of relational comfort with our social worker at Bethany Christian Services. When we initially met her back in November 2008, she impressed us from the start with her personable style of conversation, laid-back and yet really professional manner, honesty with which she presented both the joys and the challenges of adoption, and her passion for her work which naturally radiated from her. After three long hours of high-speed information downloaded to our brains during November's introductory meeting, I walked back to the car with Alan -- in silence at first -- dying to know what he thought about the evening. I wasn't sure what to expect, but hoped that my prayers for comfort, peace, and trust in God had been answered for Alan as well. As we processed our experience during the car ride home, we were pleasantly surprised to echo the exact same opinion: Our social worker had totally won us over, and if she was to be the one to walk us through the adoption process, we felt like we could really do this!

Now, six months later, we are encouraged to report that after meeting with our social worker this past Wednesday, which involved tons of paperwork and tons of additional information, we were not too overwhelmed, partly, we think, because she continues to exhibit such a comforting and inviting presence. (This is a miracle in and of itself, especially if you know the hate-hate relationship that Alan and I share with regards to paperwork!)

To break it down a little, Wednesday's two-hour meeting involved us receiving and being walked through a stack of papers (about an inch thick) that we will be completing over the course of the next several months.

This mysterious "paperwork" includes the following:

Medical reports
Child abuse and criminal background clearances (required by the state for all adoptions)
Financial statement
Personal questionnaires
A "homework"/required reading packet
Information and examples which will guide Alan and I to create our own family profile that will be shown to birthparents.

While this may be interesting info for some of you, and not so much to others, I figured since adoption process details are generally not widely known, it would be helpful and educational to share some of this here. (Honestly, Alan and I had no clue about the ins and outs of adoption until we started doing research and going to meetings). Also, who knows, maybe some of you will end up adopting a child in the future as well; all the more reason to learn some stuff now!

Our next steps from here include tackling all of this paperwork (mainly setting aside intentional time to do it) and then subsequently, setting up our three home study meetings with our social worker. These meetings are in place to counsel adoptive parents and also for the agency to ensure that we live in an environment that is emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually stable enough to welcome a child into our home. While, on one hand, this can feel very overwhelming and invasive, Alan and I view this series of meetings as a refreshing preparatory season in which we can look honestly at our lives and examine parts of ourselves that we might want to be aware of and/or work on before we become Mom & Dad!

We are excited that you are following along with us! Please continue to drop us notes of encouragement and pray for us. We are thankful for your involvement and friendship in our lives.

The Beginning of the Story

2009-05-03T03:32:00.044-04:00

Welcome to the Alan & Tara Atchison Adoption Story! Usually a story is a collection of information told in the past tense, however, this story has yet to be written...(well, except for this first entry). We hope that you will be willing to journey along with us as we begin this crazy, joyful, scary, hopeful, stressful, awesome process of becoming parents through adoption.

A Brief Overview:
We met in college and were married on July 29, 2006 in Hatboro, PA. Currently, we live in the city of Philadelphia along with our dog, Bailey. We are a part of Liberti Church. Alan works as the Online Editor at the Center for the Advanced Study of India, located at the University of Pennsylvania. Tara is the Director of Campus Ministry at Temple University and is employed by the CCO. Among other things, Alan enjoys reading, consuming chocolate milk, playing the guitar, and the Philadelphia Phillies. Tara enjoys coffeeshops, mentoring college students, the outdoors, and cooking.

As is the unfortunate case with millions of couples around the world, we are unable to conceive biological children. Over the past year or so, as we have begun to feel the strong desire to become parents, this sad fact has been an area of much grief, jealousy, and bitterness. Thankfully however, we've been able to be honest about our grief and turn to each other and to the Lord in these times, rather than grow distant from each other. Doing so has certainly strengthened the foundation of our marriage in ways we never thought possible.

Pursuing Adoption:
While working through our infertility grief, we have been growing more and more excited about becoming parents through the blessing of adoption. After much research and a few introductory meetings with different agencies, we decided to go forward with Bethany Christian Services, one of the world's most reputable and leading adoption agencies.

Bethany has various options for people looking to adopt (domestic infant, international, and older child). For our first child, we will be pursuing the domestic infant option, as we would like the opportunity to raise a newborn baby from birth.

Getting the Ball Rolling:
This past week, we submitted our official application to Bethany and attended an all-day informational class, along with a bunch of other adopting couples. The day involved participating in some great sessions led by Bethany's social workers, hearing from a panel of families who have recently adopted, and also hearing from a panel of birth-parents. These birth-parents are the unsung heroes who make the courageous and selfless choices to allow a better life for their children when they know they are not in a place in their lives in which they can provide proper care to their son or daughter. Our all-day session also included much discussion about the grief that results from infertility and the loss that birth-parents feel when placing their babies for adoption. The blunt reality of adoption is that it cannot take place without both parties experiencing different forms of loss. The honest dialogue we shared as a group about these difficult topics was extremely helpful and empathetic.

The Financial Costs of Adoption:
One of the difficult realities of adoption is the cost. In the case of domestic infant adoption, we will owe a little over $20,000 when all is said and done. Many people, like us, just don't have that kind of extra cash sitting around and to try to save up that amount would take an insane number of years.

To break down the total a little bit, certain amounts will be needed over the course of the process:

$2,000 (formal application fee and home study evaluation)
$4,000 (retainer fee; includes thorough background checks, creation of profile that will be showed to birth-parents as they choose adoptive couples)
$14,000+ (due when the baby is officially placed with us)

How Can You Practically Partner With Us?:
While we will be paying a chunk of the $20,000 total ourselves through what we can afford at this time, we will also be seeking to raise the remaining amount by applying for adoption grants as well as through private donations from individuals and churches. The concept of asking people for money so that we can become parents is certainly a controversial one for some, and understandably so. After all, people get pregnant and have kids all the time and they are responsible for the cost of raising their children, not anyone else. However, when it comes to adoption, certain other factors are at work. Consider the following:

Having a biological child usually does not require spending $20,000 ahead of time. There are certainly some doctors appointments and various other expenses, but nothing near what is required to make another person's baby your own.
Asking for financial help towards adoption is not like asking for help towards the purchase of a household item or a vacation, but for help in changing the life of a human being.
Once the child comes home to us, the money that it will require to raise him/her from infancy to adulthood will certainly be our responsibility and no one else's. But without financial assistance ahead of time, having the opportunity to become parents will be more difficult and time-consuming.

This is where we humbly ask for you to consider donating an amount of your choice towards our adoption fund so that we can move onto the next phase of the process. Please see the "Donate" button at the top, in which you can make a secure online donation via PayPal.

For those who aren't interested in or comfortable with the online donation method, checks can be mailed directly to us which will then be deposited directly into an account we've created strictly for adoption expenses (email us to get our home address). One of our goals is to keep you up to date on exactly where we are financially and how much we need to raise at each incremental step.

We also ask that you would pray, not only for us, but also for our unborn child and his/her birth-parents who will be making the ultimate sacrifice. This is both a joyful and painful process and we need the Lord's peace and guidance throughout it all. If you are not someone who believes in prayer, please simply drop us an encouraging word here and there; doing so really builds us up in so many ways.

Another way you can really help us out is by forwarding this blog to as many people as you can. Our hope is to get our story out to as many people as possible. We hope that by sharing our story, we can help to encourage other couples who are struggling with infertility and are wondering what avenues might be right for them, as well as just anyone who would like to know more about adoption.

Feel free to ask us any and all questions you might have about our adoption experiences and/or needs. (Our email addresses are listed under the "BIOS" section at the top).

Thank you for reading this. We are extremely excited to begin this process towards becoming a Mom and Dad. We look forward to journeying with you.

Alan & Tara